I have Mondays off from work, which is amazing most of the time. I can't remember what the Sunday Scaries feel like. I get to run errands and go shopping when stores aren't crowded. I can watch Scream Queens and then pretend I didn't watch Scream Queens because no one but the mice that occasionally inhabit my apartment were around to see it.
But there is a dark side to being home when everyone I know is at work — there is no better time to worry endlessly about things that will probably never happen. And I love to worry. Not in a conscious, "worrying is so much fun" kind of way, but in a "I need it more than breathing" kind of way. I'm as addicted to worrying as I am to drinking coffee first thing in the morning. It's a need. And whenever I have a free day to myself, it's a slippery slope. If i'm not careful, I come-to several hours into a worry coma, having done nothing but play makeup tutorial videos on a loop and swatch my entire lipstick collection while absentmindedly making up worst-case scenarios. Not the most productive way to spend my precious free moments.
That's why, whenever I find myself staring down the barrel of an unplanned nine hours of alone time, I try to get outside and do literally anything. And by "literally anything," I obviously mean "go shopping."
On a recent Monday, I woke up, had some coffee, and felt an extreme bout of The Worrys coming on. Rather than than succumb to a round of my favorite game, Erin Invents Situations In Which She Could Be Dying, Unemployed, Or Both Dying & Unemployed, I slapped on some under-eye concealer (Glossier Stretch Concealer in 'Light' always) and took the subway to Reformation in SoHo.
Reformation is almost more of a lifestyle than a brand — when you're there, you feel like you are part of something. Whether that something is a movement, a lifestyle, or just a group of women willing to drop $200 on a dress because it makes them feel one step closer to being Karlie Kloss, it doesn't matter. What does matter? That the Reformation dressing rooms have the most perfect selfie lighting.
I am typically awful at taking photos of myself. I've never been able to master selfies, but there's something about the Reformation dressing rooms, man. On this particular afternoon, I tried on this gorgeous emerald green dress with a super high neckline and a slit. It was unlike anything else I owned, so I naturally took about 800 photos of myself wearing it, and then decided it needed to come home with me.
Shopping while anxious isn't so much about "retail therapy" as it is about distracting myself from what's going on in my head. I don't find that I buy more when I'm worrying about something (or everything) but in cases like this one, I often buy things that represent a woman I want to be — in this case, someone who wears a tight dress with a high neckline without worrying about whether her boobs look "too big," or worrying about anything at all.